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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25552510">End of Infinity With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razriel/pseuds/Razriel'>Razriel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2/2 bad end, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I wrote this at 3 am fic help me, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Sad, Self-Harm, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:09:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25552510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razriel/pseuds/Razriel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Akira Kurusu promised himself that he wouldn’t regret accepting Maruki’s deal. It was after all, for his friends. <br/>But when time passed and memories have been long forgotten, he found himself alone to deal with this new world.</p><p>Though, there was one thing that never changed; the only constant thing that remained from the past reality. </p><p>Goro Akechi’s anger. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Beginning of the end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Instead of sleeping, I decide to hurt my self with this idea. I guess I should share the pain. </p><p>Title source: The Last of the real ones - fall out boy<br/>Songs that helped with the inspiration:<br/>Never be like you - flume<br/>Hold Me Tight or Don't - fall out boy<br/>Lifetime - Ben&amp;Ben</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akira Kurusu promised himself that he wouldn’t regret accepting Maruki’s deal. It was after all, for his friends. </p><p>Six months into Maruki’s actualization, he had watched his friends live the happiest lives they could have had. Watching familial bonds strengthen, dreams being carried out and hopes being fulfilled. Their laughter erased any doubt in his mind. <em> This is the right choice </em>. </p><p>They started forgetting him of course. There was no need for a problem solver if there are no problems to begin with, right? Their bonds were something he was willing to give up as long as their wishes came true. He thoroughly prepared for it... or so he thought. </p><p>Truthfully, it hurt. He felt used, abandoned, <em> alone </em>. </p><p>He couldn’t blame them though. They never knew about the deal, or how much everything relied on his decision. Maruki gave him the gun, he was still the one to pull the trigger. </p><p>He only has himself to condemn for his misery.  </p><p>There was one thing that never changed; the only constant thing that remained from the past reality. </p><p>Goro Akechi’s anger. </p><p>How many arguments had they had? How many times had Akechi punched him? How many times had he pretended not to limp when going back to Leblanc? How many times had his ears rang from all the curses Akechi had thrown at him? </p><p>His fury, his hurt, everything, Akira would accept it. After all, Goro Akechi was his one selfish wish. </p><p>Akechi was pleasant enough when the others were around but when they are alone together, everything changes. Their conversation would start normally enough, from simple<em> ‘how have you been?’ </em> to <em> ‘it’s a nice day, isn’t it?’. </em></p><p>From there the simple topics became passive aggressive takes. </p><p>
  <em> ‘Of course everything would be nice, it is how it is created after all.’  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Changed any futures today, Kurusu?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Suppose, nothing bad happens around these parts.’  </em>
</p><p>He would bite his tongue to stop his sarcasm, blood now a permanent taste in his mouth. But sometimes, he would slip up, a simple response, a joke or a question flowing by his lips. Akechi did always bring out the talkative in him. </p><p>
  <em> ‘Nice day? I guess it’s a good time to be alive then.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Futures can only be experienced by the living.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Should I go thieving then? I did steal your death.’ </em>
</p><p>Snap- </p><p> </p><p>This is where it would escalate, the first punch thrown, the string of ‘fuck you’ exploding. He would bear them all until Akechi was satisfied for the day. </p><p>Sometimes Akechi would walk away without a word, other times he would help him patch up. No more Metaverse, no more Diarahan to quickly heal him and he soon learned to settle for good old bandages. </p><p>There were moments though where it went the opposite direction. A tongue between bruised lips, bite marks littering his body, curses turned into begging, moans. His name being shouted to the heavens. </p><p>Hate, as they said, was an aphrodisiac. </p><p>Although, not once was an apology truly uttered between them. Never a <em> ‘I’m sorry for hitting you in the face’ </em> , <em> ‘I apologize for not being accepting of this world’ </em> , <em> ‘I’m sorry if I cannot return any of your feelings.’ </em> Akira doesn’t deserve it after all. </p><p>Akira never initiated though, nor did he put a stop on anything. If Akechi wanted control over his life, this is him giving that. He would just have to deal with whatever that was thrown at him. His <em> specialty </em>. </p><p>Never as well would he admit to Akechi how much he loves him. </p><p>If he was truly selfish, he would have wished for a happier ending. Him and Akechi, living, enjoying life, <em> together-  </em></p><p>No. He couldn’t chain Akechi, he respects him too much for that. </p><p>Even if Akechi had once admitted that he held feelings of admiration towards him, the anger he felt towards Akira was brighter, all more consuming. They can’t be together, not even in this world it seems. </p><p>Until one of them truly can let go of their misgivings, it was unlikely for them to coexist. Everyday Akira would ponder on what was the right way to approach the detective.<em> Flowers? Gifts? A hug? </em>This was how Maruki found him, alone on a park bench, staring at nothing. He had sought him out offering to ‘talk’ to Akechi, explain to him why he had chosen this path, to relieve him of his fury.</p><p>He knew Maruki can alter feelings to an extent. The trick was to slightly alter the cognition, the therapist-turned-god explained, to make you see something in a different light and allowing a new perspective to shine. </p><p>
  <em> ‘If a criminal was in trial in front of you for murdering his whole family and all evidence pointed to him being guilty, you would decide that he would be jailed right? But if I told you why he had done it, his family was abusive towards him and he had enough, it would make you empathize with him. A story would fill the mindset of the people, ‘he was just misunderstood and abused!’. That would lead the judge to pass on a lighter sentence and people won't condemn him for his actions’ </em>
</p><p>Maruki went on. He vaguely gets the logic of his methods but he doesn’t really care. It was Maruki’s job to grant wishes anyway. </p><p>
  <em> ‘It’s only a subtle change. I won’t be rewriting any of his memories or actions, just make him a bit understanding of your situation.’  </em>
</p><p>In the end Akira refused, freedom was his wish for Akechi and if his anger was his outlet, it will remain. He wasn’t willing to risk anymore changes on Akechi. </p><p>‘I granted you a bit of power to influence, use it if you’d like. Contact me if you would need any help.’ Maruki said. He disappeared in the crowd shortly after. </p><p>Akira vowed never to use that power. </p>
<hr/><p>With Akechi, moments of peace were rare and fleeting. </p><p>A date in the aquarium, a round of billiards, lovely music at Jazz Jin. A semblance of what could have beens if only the right decisions were made. </p><p>And when the night came they would revel on each other’s skin. Worshipping every part, kisses that made Akira forget the taste of blood in his tongue. <em> Soft </em>. </p><p>Akechi is always gone when he wakes up. </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was a year when Akira started to break. </p><p>He had finished high school, all good marks. Studying was his only distraction from life and he decided at least this was something he wouldn’t fuck up. </p><p>The days passed quickly with nothing to look forward to and no one to spend it with. Ryuji and Ann found new groups to hang with, never really making an effort to include him. Futaba spent more time with her family and new friends. Morgana was busy, a model or something, he never asked. The others hadn’t reached out, too busy with their lives he presumed. </p><p>He only saw Akechi a few times as well. He was too preoccupied with University, studying law was taxing. He didn’t need any of Akira’s distraction. </p><p>Not one needed him, even just to hang out. He was truly and utterly alone in this perfect world. </p><p>A back breaking job, a faceless stranger of the night, a lighted stick on his lips. He’d do anything to fill the void that was eating him. Heck he’d even ask Akechi to punch him in the face if he could. </p><p>Maruki found him one night sitting in the park. Half lighted cigarette in his fingers, face devoid of any emotion, empty. He had offered no words of encouragement nor advice on how to be better, just silence. Akira liked that. </p><p>He started spending more time with Maruki after that fateful encounter. Akira figured how lonely it must be to become a God, how Maruki craves for another human interaction. People only needed you to grant their wishes, after all, the drama with human contact wasn't needed. </p><p>Maruki offered several times to re-write his life, a happier one, a better one, one where he could finally be with Akechi. Akira had declined them all. </p><p>His emptiness was his choice, his regrets were his pain. At this point, who would Akira Kurusu be without his pain?</p><p>—-</p><p>It was a quiet day allotted for fishing when he discovered he could <em> feel </em> his friends’ emotions. Though it was nothing intrusive and he could only feel strong emotions from them as well as what brought them on. </p><p>It was like a phone notification on his mind, he noted, popping up to signal him of his friends’ major events. He would need to focus to actually find out who it was from and what he was <em> feeling </em>. </p><p>
  <em> Ding-  </em>
</p><p>Ryuji was happy. His scholarship application for his dream university was accepted. </p><p><em> Ding- </em> </p><p>Ann and Shiho finally got together. They were both ecstatic. </p><p><em> Ding- </em> </p><p>Makoto was sad and a bit stressed but Haru was there to cheer her up. Everything was okay. </p><p><em> Ding- </em> </p><p>Yusuke finally got his own gallery. Kasumi won a major competition. </p><p><em> Ding- </em> </p><p>Futaba was content. Enveloped in her mother’s and Sojiro’s warm embrace. </p><p>
  <em> Ding, ding, ding, ding - </em>
</p><p>Swipe. Mute. Ignoring it was easy too, just like everything else. </p><p>He asked Maruki if this was his doing as well and the therapist denied any influence. ‘Maybe it was from your power? The bonds you made before and your desperation to keep it alive had manifested a way to help you still feel connected to them.’ Maruki concluded and he accepted it. No use in finding reasons anyway. </p><p>
  <em> Ding, ding, ding-  </em>
</p><p>Akechi tried to kill himself again. </p><p>—-</p><p>It was a hot summer day when Akechi found him on his usual bench in the park. </p><p>‘Are you happy with what you have created Kurusu?’ Akechi asked, taking a seat beside him. No greetings, not even fake pleasantries between them. </p><p><em> Kurusu </em>. Akechi never used his name now too. </p><p>‘Depends if you are.’ He doesn’t even try to hide his sarcasm anymore, <em> tired </em>. </p><p>‘How should I know if I am? Is this not a part of your wish?’ </p><p>‘I only wished for your life, Akechi. Any emotions and actions you make are yours.’</p><p>‘You think I could trust you?’</p><p><em>Silence</em>. Good question, does Akira even trust himself?</p><p>‘It’s the truth Akechi. I wouldn’t do that to you.’ He could feel Akechi’s fury knocking on his head. <em> Ding, ding, ding.  </em></p><p>‘Stupid! If you’re going to take this path, at least you can shape it on your own. Play your cards, use your puppets, Kurusu.’ Akechi’s voice was rising at this point and from what he knew of the brown haired boy, this was the moment where he should start bracing himself from Akechi’s punches, it never came though. </p><p>‘You already took away my freedom, might as well go all out.’ Annoyance? Resentment? </p><p>‘I can’t do that to you. ‘</p><p>‘Bullshit.’ Rejection. Spite. Wrath. </p><p>Akira was never prone to anger as  he never could cultivate it well. As soon as the emotion passhim, it was usually quickly gone. This time it was different, all the moments, feelings had built up, no longer able to contain. Was it so bad for him to wish for a future for Akechi? That maybe here he could let go of Shido? That Akechi deserved to finally live his life free of all his sufferings? That maybe here he could finally atone for all his wrongdoings?! He exploded. </p><p>‘What do you want from me Akechi? To turn back time? Do you think this reality has made me happy?! Fucking look at me Akechi, I might as well be dead. My friends have left me, the people I knew barely gives me a second and you...’ he paused, catching his breath. Akechi was staring at him not used to emotion being displayed. Pity? Sadness? Longing? He didn’t know. </p><p>‘...Nothing, Akechi, I am nothing to anyone.’ </p><p>He willed himself to calm down after that. Reaching for another stick, singing his hair a bit upon lighting. The air between them had grown uncomfortable, tension palpable. He suddenly missed Leblanc and the comfortable scenery it provides. </p><p><em> Rewind, rewind, rewind </em>. Akira felt a bit of regret from his outburst. Another addition to his growing list. </p><p>Minutes passed by the unmoving souls, both of them calculating each other’s intent. Akechi was the one to break the silence. </p><p>‘You might as well be.’  the brown haired boy muttered softly as if he was talking to nothing but the wind. </p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘Dead.’ Akechi answered, unwavering, direct. Nothing less from him. </p><p>Akira didn’t think a single word could bring about his ruin further and uttered from those lips made it <em> worse </em>. </p><p>He took a last drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke above him and stood up. Killed the light under his boot and started to walk away. No more words could salvage their relationship. </p><p>With a final look upon his rival, he muttered: </p><p>‘Your wish is my command, detective.’ </p>
<hr/><p>Akechi’s morning was a routine he had memorized to the dot. This new world had provided him time to use for his own leisure and took full advantage of that. Weekend mornings were spent with a good book and coffee. He could get up and get a better cup but the best one was brewed by a raven haired boy in a quiet cafe. </p><p>And seeing the boy would break his peace, Akechi would rather choose that. </p><p>It was a full three months since he had last heard from him. Their last meeting ended up a few words he regretted saying and a sentence that rang ominous against his ears. Akira always managed to bring out his anger, cut the ties on his meticulously crafted control. </p><p>But he shouldn’t really blame him for that. </p><p>Truthfully, this world has already grown on him, and taught him that he could always choose another path to solve problems. For once, Akechi could see a future. </p><p>Yet he still could not let go of his anger. Of his choice being made for him. On how maybe his life was just being pulled by the strings. It was the reason why he detached himself from Akira. </p><p>Akira had his friends anyway and he hated how Akira could break any progress he made with his acceptance. </p><p>These past few months they only saw each other in passing. A small hello on the station, held glances when they ran into each other. No more chats, no more good mornings and good nights. No more crying out his name at nights when the sadness has sunk. Akira had given him space, he was slightly thankful for that. It is why he thought of nothing when he hadn’t heard from him. This is normal. </p><p>Akechi glanced towards his unturned book, his coffee growing cold. He was about to reach out for the sugar when he heard his doorbell rang and a shout of ‘Package for mister Goro Akechi! Weird, he hadn’t ordered anything. </p><p>He returned to his seat minutes later, small package on his hand. No indication from the sender, not even a return address. He opened it warily. Inside a letter which he slowly opened. The script was small, neat and all too familiar. He figured out the sender with just one look. </p><p>
  <em> Akechi,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My regrets can never turn back my choices but I hope someday you can forgive me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sorry, I really am.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Akira </em>
</p><p>And within the small package, he pulled out another item. His glove. Akira had kept it all this time. </p><p>
  <em> What a sentimental fool.  </em>
</p><p>He was returning it to him, signifying the end of their long duel.</p><p>
  <em> Akira Kurusu had given up.  </em>
</p><p>He panicked. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. May the bridges I burn light your way back home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will you regret your words Akechi? </p><p>Title from:<br/>Fourth of July - Fall out boy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akira Kurusu has gone missing for the past 5 months now. </p><p>2 months ago, Akechi had received a letter from the raven haired boy asking him for forgiveness and along with the letter was his glove, the same one that signified the promise of their rematch. Receiving it felt like a surrender, Akira’s final goodbye to the life he had. Both items were kept tightly locked in his drawer, fearing that it might disappear along with its sender. </p><p>The days following the letter was torture. He could barely function, missing several classes and a few shifts at work, opting to barricade himself in his cold room. A few of his classmates and workmates called to check on him but a small lie of being sick had let him off the hook. He always knew how to get away with his lies, being so used to sprouting them after all, but his thoughts he just couldn’t run away from. </p><p>It was his fault wasn’t it? That Akira disappeared? It was because of him, his anger, his <em>rage</em> coupled with his inability to be honest about his own damned feelings. </p><p>Yes, he was mad at Akira for choosing this world and robbing him of his power to choose his own path. If he did actually survive being shot, he decided that he would make actual steps to better himself. Maybe see a professional about his problem, help take down Shido <em>legally, </em>and finally just move on from his past at his own pace. However, all of his carefully crafted plans for his redemption were flushed down the drain when Akira accepted Maruki’s deal. It made him furious. </p><p>It felt like a betrayal from the one person who understood him and it fueled his anger more. </p><p>He should have stopped being angry after the first fight but he just <em>couldn’t</em>. Slowly, he stopped understanding Akira’s motives, stopped listening to his words, stopped seeing his love. He turned dead to Akira’s pleas and took his sincerity as a bullet. He only cared about wanting a payback for his <em>selfish</em> decision. With every punch thrown Akira would know the suffering he caused and with every word he would let him know how much he blamed him for everything. Absolute seething <em>hate</em> coated his tongue, sharpening his words like a dagger. </p><p>He never noticed how much he drove away the only person who truly fucking cared. </p><p>
  <em>‘Stupid, stupid. He only thought of you in everything he did. Stupid, stupid, stupid.’</em>
</p><hr/><p>It took Akechi two weeks to regain his composure. </p><p>He decided to finally put an effort into locating Akira. It was time for him to face his mistakes and it wasn’t fair anymore to the boy if he continued to blame him. Deep down, he knew that he didn’t hate Akira, opposite in fact. He didn’t know how to mend their bond or how he should ask for Akira’s forgiveness but that would come later. For now, it was time to find him. </p><p>First, he had approached each of Akira’s friends and confidants as they might have an idea on his whereabouts but none of them seemed to have the slightest idea. No, none of them seemed to <em>care</em>. </p><p>He feared that opening the topic of Akira’s abrupt disappearance would cause them to panic but it surprised him that some of them didn’t actually notice and those who did lack any kind of concern. The reply to chats he sent was a clear indication of this. </p><p>
  <em>‘Sakamoto-san? Have you been able to get in touch with Kurusu lately?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Nah man. Busy with track at Uni. Wassup?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Nothing to worry about.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Takamaki-san, have you been able to contact Kurusu lately?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Akira? Nope! Haven’t talked to him since graduation.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Oh, okay’</em>
</p><p>Nijima, Kitagawa, and the other’s responses were a rehash of confusion and utter disinterest. </p><p>He figured that he would get nowhere with Akira’s so-called friends and decided to visit Leblanc. If anyone would have an idea, it should be his previous guardian, he decided. </p><p>He hadn’t been in the cafe for the longest time. Even before Akira’s disappearance, every visit would end up in a fight and so he found himself losing more and more reasons to go back. Not even the call of the great coffee would tempt him nor the longing for the quiet barista would make him go back. </p><p>When he visited, only the middle-aged owner greeted him. </p><p>
  <em>‘Sakura-san, how is Kurusu? Does he still live here?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Akira? Not anymore, he moved out after his graduation. Morgana lives there now. He hadn’t told you?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘No, afraid we lost contact along the way.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Oh, is that why I don’t see you around anymore? Well the kid talked about you a lot when he worked here, you should reach out to him, yeah?’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Sure. Is there any way to reach him?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I think he changed his number, I couldn’t reach him anymore but I think he rented an apartment in Kichijoji. Sorry kid, he never gave his address.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Oh that’s fine. I’m sure we will cross paths soon. ‘ </em>
</p><p>Not even the man who had sheltered Akira for two years had questioned the boy’s disappearance. </p><hr/><p>Finding out about Akira's apartment was more trouble than he thought. Asking people around if they have seen a plain, black-haired boy with glasses was of course going to turn out well. Akira was the most unassuming person if he wanted to be. Nothing stood out, not his hair, his posture, his face. It was as if he was content to blend in with the crowds of Tokyo, to not be recognized. It was only luck that Akechi found some sort of lead. An old lady who once received help from the curly-haired boy. Akira’s landlady. Jackpot. </p><p>She had pointed out his address, falling victim to Akechi’s sweet smiles and lies. ‘I’m an old friend of his and I was wondering if I could surprise him’ </p><p>He quickly made way to the apartment, broke in, and began investigating. To call Akira’s living space an apartment was quite a stretch. It was small, a studio type room that was meant for one person and just like his appearance, nothing stood out of his place. No trinkets that he was very fond of displaying in his, no tools that littered his desk, no books that he was fond of reading. Empty. </p><p>Akechi scoured every inch of this place and found nothing except for dust. </p><p>Even Akechi has at least had papers strewn on his desk to signify that someone had lived there. </p><p>This was not Akira.</p><p>Akira valued memories and his trinkets were a way for him to relieve those. He would spend moments retelling Akechi about his things, where he got it from and who gave it. Always, with a shine in his eyes. </p><p>Yet here he stood in Akira Kurusu’s empty apartment, remembering how blank he looked that day at the park. How loneliness had somehow embedded itself in his person, wrapping him in its embrace. </p><p>What happened to him? </p><hr/><p>8 months now since Akira was gone and Akechi made no progress in locating him. </p><p>Every clue had led to a dead end and Akechi resigned to going back to his daily routine. He would keep an open eye though, even if it meant constantly reaching out to Akira's friends.</p><p>Just any news, <em>please</em>. He begged. </p><hr/><p>A year passed and <em>nothing</em>. </p><p>He spent his free nights drinking at Jazz Jin. Hoping that somehow he would show up in his usual graceful stride and take a seat beside him. They would talk the night away, laugh at his stupid jokes and pretend that nothing happened. That Akechi didn’t mess up everything Akira sacrificed for.</p><p>The bar’s calming ambiance always made him <em>remember</em> and that… was the only thing he could do right now. He became afraid of forgetting. That if he did, it would mean that Akira would never come back. But mostly because he couldn’t accept that it was him that pushed Akira to the edge, that this was <em>his</em> fault. </p><p>So he continued to remember. </p><p>Akira was always gentle, patient, and loving towards him. Even when he could not reciprocate any of his feelings and punches were the only thing he could throw, Akira never fought back. </p><p>He was his rival, not just some fool who would just accept being dead. The Akira he knew was persistent, unwavering. He would first claw his way out of prison and kill a god before even thinking about giving up. </p><p>
  <em>Fight back. What happened to your rebellion? </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Where the fuck is Akira. </em>
</p><p>2 years now and Akechi is getting desperate. The crowds he was always willing to avoid now became something he chased and contently, he was looking out for even the smallest sign of the missing boy. </p><p>
  <em>Black hair - not curly enough. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Glasses? - no, not the right frame. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is that him? No, no, he would never wear that shirt.</em>
</p><p>The small apartment that Akira willingly abandoned became his sanctuary. Between his job and his studies, he would find time to visit, sometimes opting to study or sleep. He had told Akira’s landlord that Akira was currently on an overseas trip and asked him to take care of his apartment. The old lady didn’t care much though, as long as the rent is paid, she’d have no problems whoever stayed. </p><p>Always, he had kept the place clean for Akira’s return. Small trinkets that made Akechi remember him decorated some of the shelves. <em>A Jack Frost doll, tarot cards, a french press, some books Akira would enjoy. </em></p><p>The small apartment slowly turned into a home. Only now it’s missing its tenant. </p><p>
  <em>Come home, Akira. </em>
</p><hr/><p>There were nights where Akechi just couldn’t take it. </p><p>He should have just ended his life, pulled the trigger and shot the bullet through his head. Cut a little deeper to let the blood <em>flow</em>. </p><p>Anything to stop his cursed life. </p><p>
  <em>Stupid, stupid, absolutely fucking stupid. </em>
</p><p>How many people would he continue to drive away? Another life was lost because of his mere presence and alll because of his inability to just fucking let go. Not once had he bothered to look at him. If he did he should have seen how much Akira’s choice has eaten him. How Akira’s friends had abandoned him for their new life. How the glimmer of life had been drained from his grey eyes. </p><p>
  <em>Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. </em>
</p><p>Why couldn’t he just accept this new life the stupid therapist gave. Here in Maruki’s reality, people’s deepest desire came true. If you want your family back, you would get it. If you wanted a successful life, the path would open for you. Bringing back the dead though, was a one time deal. Just like hitting the reset button, what burdened you the most will go away and from there, it was up to you how to live your life. </p><p>Everything would fall into pieces if you desire it but you would still need to work for it. Nothing convenient would fall in your lap, no surprise lottery winner to welcome you to riches. What Maruki did though, was to make your life liveable. No poverty unless you choose not to strive, help would always find those who are in need and unless crime was truly your passion, there was no real reason for it given the other opportunities opened for everyone. </p><p>So if you wished to take your life, you would just have to strengthen resolve to stick to that decision. </p><p>This world that Akira chose and Maruki delivered didn’t rob him of his freedom, merely presented a new perspective on how to live his life and to be unbound to his useless past. </p><p>He was so blinded by his hate that he was too late to appreciate it. </p><hr/><p>Days, months, years. How many was it? 4 years? </p><p>He barely remembers his scent, his face, his smile. Hadn’t heard his name from another’s lips. Not even Takamaki or Sakamoto’s reminiscing of their high school days had made them utter Akira’s name. </p><p>Akira was a ghost that continued to haunt his being. A weight on his shoulders that he could not relieve. <em>A fading memory of his greatest mistake. </em></p><p>He wonders, how many more years left until he completely forgets?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wonder, is it love that fuels you to find Akira, Akechi? Or is it the overwhelming guilt?</p><p>Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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